i still remember the day
i was waiting for you
with a bouquet of roses

i don’t remember the smell

but i remember the feeling
of thorns digging into my palm

i think that says a lot

please don’t get tired of me
or of the way i lie next to you
and tell you what i love about you
more than twenty times

you should know this:
if i kept it inside 
i’d get cracks all over 
and it would pour out of me

writing about you in blue ink
seems cheap and cliche

in my last biology lesson
they said that the human body
contains 5.6 liters of blood

and all i could think about
was the number of ballads
i could write across my wall
in red warm ink before i
passed out

childishnotions:

writing is safer, somehow
because my pen cannot stutter like my lips do,
and words get stuck in throats,
not fingertips, can’t stumble
on paper trails of blue lines
because writing is definite and clear
and no one can tell if i am crying
or laughing
through written words alone 

at night
i lie awake
counting
not sheep
but the minutes
without you

at night
i lie awake
breathing
my own filth
wishing it was
your sweetness

at night
i lie awake
listening
to my own heart
pretending
it was yours

untitled #5

we broke up today.

the cardigan you once gave to me
is still lying in my room.

it smells like me.
there is no trace of you.

we broke up today.

it is a spring day, and the sun
is shining, and 

we broke up today.

soon - in a year, or maybe two,
i will forget the way your hand
felt in mine or maybe 
the way you used to smile
when i said something nice.

i didn’t say anything nice today.

it is a spring day, and the sun 
is shining, and i think this
would be so much easier
if the sky was crying, too.

untitled #4

i fell  
i fell deep
deep down 
in love

i felt my 
bones break
as they hit
the surface

stitch me
back 
together

Richard Siken, from “Little Beast”

untitled #3

when i first met you
i thought you were my
missing puzzlepiece
that would fit perfectly
into one of the holes
in my heart

later
i discovered
you were a whole
goddamn
scattered puzzle

i tried really hard 
to fit the
single pieces of you
together 
but it just didn’t 
work out

so i scattered my own pieces
and glued them to yours

the finished puzzle
is a giant mess
that does not even
make sense

but the pieces
fit together
perfectly